Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Overcoming Depression & Anxiety



It's possible.

I see it every day.

First, there is me.  I have spent most of my life sad and afraid. When I started yoga 18 years ago, it did nothing for these issues but give me a few seconds of...slight calm. That was it.

Then 13 years ago, Kundalini yoga came along and I would do 90 minute sets and afterward just giggle, feel light, look shiny. It lasted a few hours at first and the more I practiced the longer it lasted. Kundalini gave me some tools but I had to use them. There was no letting up.

No letting up.

To this day, there is no letting up.

You have to let go of the idea that there ever will be letting up.  It will get a wee bit easier over time to do the work, but you can never stop the work.

Finally, four years ago, I came back to dance. ((FIREWORKS inserted here))

But there's still no letting up. I have to dance. Almost every single day. When I skip a day to "rest," I feel it in my body, for sure, but two or three days of no dance and my mind starts to feel like that wicked stranger that was always out to get me, lurking around corners and in all the shadows.

Dance saves me. Over and over.

I see the possible every day.

There are my elder dancers.

Many of them come to class searching for any kind of connection. I see them seeing each other. I see them creating relationship. I see them opening up.

Many of them come to class after a lifetime of repressed pain.  I see them letting it rise to the surface and I see them working it off or sending it off or squashing it with their new found joy and strength.

There are so many students who show me every day...

The student who is depressed and sad and angry but she does Kundalini yoga and some dancing every. single. day. Regardless of whether or not she can get to a class. She does it because she knows she must.  She does not want to lose herself ever again, so every day, she sets out to find herself through movement.

The student who has suffered so deeply but comes to almost every single class I teach. I see that her wings are growing back, that the clipping they tolerated is healing.

The students who see what one class can do so they start coming twice a week and then three times.

The student who says class is the main thing INKED on her calendar because it's that necessary.

This is not magic, what we do at the studio.

I am not magic, what I give at the studio.

It's all hard work and each person who keeps coming back is willing to never let up.

I cannot give you that.  A pill cannot give you that.

Only you can.

I offer you the space...