Thursday, July 4, 2013

No More Hiding

I did something super big and scary yesterday so I figure on this day that celebrates freedom, I could just up the ante and go even BIGGER and SCARIER.

Some of you may have noticed and many of you may have not that I have never shared video of myself dancing.

I am sly like that.

It has taken me so much courage just to share photos and to share video has seemed so overwhelmingly frightening.

The Lost Girl in me says this is too much. This vulnerability is beyond what I am capable of.

The Fear Monsters march right up and tell Lost Girl that she is 100% correct and they list the reasons. Oh, the list is so very long.

"You should lose 15 more pounds first." The thing is that no amount of losing would be enough. The thing is I could never ever possibly be thin enough for this particular Monster.

"You should wait until you are injury free before you share." This is just another body shaming fear cropping up and an easy one to cave into. I often have a little something going on like most dancers I know.  Right now I am nursing a pulled inner thigh muscle, for example.

"You should wait until you have choreographed the Most Brilliant Piece of dancing that 100% shows off every single one of your special skills."  THAT there is a deep pile of stinking shite, isn't it? There is no such thing as ONE dance that will show off everything a person can do. That is like telling an artist to pick ONE painting, a writer to pick ONE book.

"You certainly should never let them see you sweat."

"You cannot let anyone see you doing the work...or messing up...or just playing..."

"What will you WEAR?"

You get the idea.

So here I am, "just" playing in the studio.

This is 2 minutes that will never happen again and that never happened before.

I saw a Spoon song on the iPod, turned on my phone's camera, and went to work.

This is how I spend a lot of time in the studio, just reacting in the moment to a random piece of music.

No plans.  Just moving.  Seeing what will happen.

This is my path.  This is me walking it.  Or dancing it.

Go here to view.