Monday, November 4, 2013

Do You Have a Light?

There are plenty of days when I don't feel anything like a girl on fire.

I feel more like a girl under water but that seems too light and floaty and free...more like a girl who just had a bucket of water thrown on her. There. That image is sufficiently pathetic.

Whiny Girl. Girl who needs a nap. And some injections of iron or something.

As an aspie, this is definitely connected to my lack of Big Picture thinking. More accurately, my inability to hold Big Picture in my mind for more than the initial few hours of thinking it.

I also just watched a video reminding me (because I need to be reminded regularly) that part of the aspie brain struggle is sensory integration. The speaker kept saying, "We're just trying to stay alive here..." over and over, and it made me giggle. Yesterday, it made me giggle. Today, it just feels like good common sense.

His point was that we are hyper aware and that taking in ALL the sounds, smells, sights...ALL of them times, like, one billion gets exhausting and it creates a whole lot of anxiety...which also gets exhausting. Which is his whole point about "we're just trying to stay alive here..."

So today I am not a girl on fire. I am Wet Noodle Girl. Tired. Uninspired. Feeling a little lost. Wondering what the heck I'm doing.

(I think it's important to admit to days like this; we ALL struggle.)

If you want to explore more deeply how to create an at-home dance sadhana (spiritual path) practice, you could join my super secret Facebook group, Inferno of Awesome. This group is invisible until you're added. FIRST, make sure you are my friend on FB, and SECOND, ask me to add you.