Thursday, December 19, 2013

Changing My Mind: My Lazy Ass

Winter Lake meets Winter Sky
I was just checking in on Facebook with someone from one of my trainings. I hadn't noticed what was up with her life in a while and I was curious. I liked her and her spunk a lot.

But oy.

She has this super successful studio and now she is succeeding in another area on top of that and and and...

The Compare Brain woke up and took notice, that's for sure.

Suddenly I felt like shit about myself and the inner crap stories started.

"My studio is not nearly successful enough; I need to work harder; why have I not yet written and published books; why am I not on the road leading giant crazy successful workshops all over the world..."

You get the idea.

This happens to all of us on occasion in one way or another.

The key is to dig deeper than the Compare Brain wants you to and find what the core issue is that's being tapped into.

For me, I quickly realized it was all wrapped up in self-worth (of course) and my Story of Lazy.

My Story of Lazy is one of my oldest, most deeply embedded stories, and there's no need to go into where it came from. The important thing is to notice it exists so that I can work on releasing it.

This story is one of my ever-present ones.

If I get sick and have to rest, I am lazy.

If I don't sweat my ass off in every single class I teach, I am lazy.

If the house is messy, it's because I am lazy.

Everything that is wrong or not quite right comes down to me being lazy.

I've not written those books out of laziness and I am not crazy successful because I am lazy.

Oy.

Now...I have to go deeper because the brain just gets stuck in that rut.  What is UNDER that rut?

Under the lazy rut is the "no matter how much I do, no matter how 'successful' I do become, it will never ever be enough to justify my existence."

Ouch.

There.

Seeing it is hard, let me tell you.

But I used to not even be able to see that. I just had really bought into the idea that I was inherently lazy.

I am not.

Here's the really tricksy part of this: How does one balance the good and healthy desire to do good work in this world, to contribute in a significant way, with NOT pushing pushing pushing one's self?

How does one balance effort with ease, otherwise?

I don't have the answer. Not yet.

That's why this series is called Changing My Mind and not CHANGED My Mind.


If you want to explore more deeply how to create an at-home dance sadhana (spiritual path) practice, you could join my super secret Facebook group, Inferno of Awesome. This group is invisible until you're added. FIRST, make sure you are my friend on FB, and SECOND, ask me to add you.