Monday, February 3, 2014

Old Fears Meet New Ways and Lose

Always the studio...
Last week was super hard emotionally. Some old hurt was brought to the surface. Old wounds were bleeding. And I found myself in this super quick-change cycle of up and down.

It was a battle between what IS NOW and what USED TO BE.

It was a battle between the little me who was so often scared and this adult me who knows I am separate from the source of my old fears and that I am now safe.

The old fears tried to convince me, yet again, that they were capable of annihilating me, that they were in charge of me.

I bought it. For days. I was invisible again.

It struck me that one of the reasons people stay in abusive relationships and in abusive family systems is this deep, primal fear of BEING ALONE, of not being seen, of coming to the end of life and facing it on our own.

Which we all do regardless.

I faced that dark and it tried to swallow me. For sure.

In the meantime, my life was still moving forward whether my internal drama wanted that or not and it was all GOOD because that's what my partner and I have done -- we have built a GOOD life full of LOVE.

But I was so damn lost.

Until I had a coaching call. A whole hour when I just talked about the Things That Truly Matter to Me. The Things that Make Me Shine.

And I remembered myself. I remembered that now is now and then was then.

This is the Medicine of Remembering Who You Were Born to Be.

And this is INTEGRATION. This is being your true self in ALL THE THINGS. It was focusing on my WORK that put me back together again in my HEART.

(My coach is right here, if you're interested, and no, I don't get anything for pointing you in her direction except the satisfaction of putting awesome people together.)

If you want to explore more deeply how to create an at-home dance sadhana (spiritual path) practice, you could join my super secret Facebook group, Inferno of Awesome. This group is invisible until you're added. FIRST, make sure you are my friend on FB, and SECOND, ask me to add you.