"Things change, Kundun," and then he snaps his fingers at the little boy who would become the Dalai Lama.*
(*From the gorgeous film about the Dalai Lama's early life, Kundun)
Good lesson for someone about to have his country taken from him and be forced into exile.
A lesson that always made me feel a little nervous every time Marcy and I would rewatch the film.
Change is not easy for anyone but add an Aspie brain into the mix, and it becomes exponentially more difficult as we cling to routines and things as they are and what we know.
Add in not knowing where the change is actually headed and you have an Aspie whose head just popped off.
But surprisingly? Mine has not.
Instead I feel a bit more like that echinacea at the top just about to totally unfurl. You don't know exactly what it will look like, but you know it will be an echinacea.
Things are different here, for sure, as we discover a need for each of us to have more space (spiritual, emotional, and literal) and as we take steps to allow for that.
But there is still love. There is still laughter. There is still all the shared space between us.
Things are different, and there were these moments when I thought that might just do me in. There were those moments of deep drama where I thought this was the end of my life as I know it.
But those moments passed. Rather quickly.
I have found a sense of freedom in myself that I didn't know I had.
I feel an internal openness that I can't really explain.
And not surprisingly, I have found that deep down...no matter what...I am dancer and dancing always saves me, gives me strength, puts me back into myself.
I didn't think, at first, that I could dance...much less want to...but then I did and I could and I wanted more.
I taught last night and my dance feels stronger again (this happens every few months).
At one point I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I thought, "Oh...there's something new and interesting..." and in that flash, I saw that this is it. Me and the dance. And this is good and it's enough.
More than enough.
If you want to explore more deeply how to create an at-home dance sadhana (spiritual path) practice, you could join my super secret Facebook group, Inferno of Awesome. This group is invisible until you're added. FIRST, make sure you are my friend on FB, and SECOND, ask me to add you.