I get into these rather stale places in my life from time to time. I get overly intellectual or overly routinized. I have, in the past, painted myself into self-aggrandizing atheistic corners where I felt smug and superior. And totally lost and despairing.
I do the things. I chant. I dance. I light candles.
But it can be pretty empty. I tell myself it's a plateau (and it totally can be) or that it's a sort of dark night of the soul (true).
And then some big buckets of shit hit a giant fan.
The empty of your "spiritual practices" is, well, even more obvious when you actually NEED those practices.
Weeks ago, when I thought that things were instantly over and horrible and my life was never ever going to be the life I wanted it to be, that emptiness turned into utter pain.
So much pain that I had no idea what I could DO.
Then I remember that I could just BE; I could just...pray. Open my heart and ask for help and listen.
Prayer is not very chic.
It's way more cool now to say that you are "setting intentions" or "asking your spirit guides for direction" or "practicing a shamanistic ritual" or whatever.
But it's all really the same thing, just in fancy and fun outfits, and it all comes from this very human need to just ask for some effing help.
We plead and it doesn't matter who is listening or if anyone or anything is listening but we still plead.
And that's good for us. It's good to remember we are not little demi-gods totally in charge of our lives.
We can make choices and do our best and think good thoughts, but shit will still hit fans and it is NOT under our control.
We (re)learn some damn humility.
At least, I have.
And here's the miracle part of this: As soon as I remembered to just ask for help, things settled and started to morph in completely unexpected and exciting and loving ways.
I didn't use mala beads or put my hands in yoga prayer pose. That makes me mistake the act, again, as something which I am DOING.
Instead I put my hands together and really clasp and wrap like I would have as a child and it does something to me. It settles my insides. It reminds me that there are things bigger than me. That life can sometimes feel out of control, but if I don't GRIP, things will be okay. It makes me feel like there is something loving and wise out there beyond me, taking care, nurturing my heart in some way that makes me totally capable.
Not totally capable of changing circumstances according to my will but totally capable of dealing with whatever comes my way. No matter what.
If you want to explore more deeply how to create an at-home dance sadhana (spiritual path) practice, you could join my super secret Facebook group, Inferno of Awesome. This group is invisible until you're added. FIRST, make sure you are my friend on FB, and SECOND, ask me to add you.