Thursday, August 21, 2014

Do You Love Me?

Frontier Park
When I wrote the title of this piece, I imagined us all looking into a mirror as it was said.

There's this perennial idea that we can't really love others until we love ourselves, but I know a lot of people who are "working on" loving themselves who, it seems to me, love others.

Is this possible? Or are we fooling ourselves by acting as if we love and mistaking that for love?

I sure see a lot of "love" out there that looks a whole lot more like obligation.

These questions are swirling around me lately as I work more on LIKING myself.

You really, really like me...

There's so much about me that I have spent a lifetime judging as too much, not enough, bad, stupid, wrong, silly, unworthy.

And it strikes me... Do I bring that to my relationship with others?

If I am being honest (and that's what I am doing here), then yes...I definitely bring all of that to my relationships with others.

Tough stuff to admit, that.

But if I am blocked in any way internally, there is NO WAY it doesn't affect how I see others.

(This goes for you, too, in case you're not making that connection.)

If I cannot allow myself to BE MYSELF, if I cannot embrace that internal freedom, then I cannot extend that to others. 

And that is true love: allowing yourself and others to fully be themselves, to not have any demands, to know that you are independent human beings sharing space but not becoming enmeshed, not extending your needs into the territory of the other.

Knowing that and fully embracing it...that is what I am working on right now. Every day.

Repeat after me: I am an independent human. I matter. I am my own person as are all the people around me. My happiness does not count on another's behavior.

I think we all might need some sort of recovery group...

You can now learn how to teach dance as a spiritual practice! My first teacher training is coming at the end of September! Just visit the "Teacher Training" tab at the top of this page.

If you want to explore more deeply how to create an at-home dance sadhana (spiritual path) practice, you could join my super secret Facebook group, Inferno of Awesome. This group is invisible until you're added. FIRST, make sure you are my friend on FB, and SECOND, ask me to add you.