Tuesday, September 9, 2014

How the Bay City Rollers Reminded Me of My Inner Strength

I was having a pretty down day yesterday. I think it was due to gluten exposure. That's exactly what it felt like, which is to say it felt like I used to always feel before I figured out the connection of gluten to my chronic and life-paralyzing depression.

It's a horrible thing to feel like you used to feel in this regard and to immediately drop back into that sense of forever that comes with it...that there will be no end until The End. Today I can feel it already lifting off of my brain, and there is light and air where there was damp and dark.

But yesterday, I got in the car to go to the city cemetery for my morning walk, and the Bay City Rollers came on, singing my favorite song from when I was in second grade, Saturday Night.

And suddenly, I was inside this memory of my deceased Aunt Ginny. We were on the beach of Galveston, where she lived and where I got to visit with her (and my uncle and my sister) for a whole month the summer I was 15.

I had just walked back from the water and plopped down next to her.  My sister was near the water but not in it, playing carefully at the edge.

I had just walked back from the water where I had been crashing my body straight into the huge waves of the crashing ocean. The ocean is one of my favorite places, and though the waves scare the shit out of me, I also love them beyond measure.

I had just plopped down next to her, and she turned to me and said, "You have always been brave and I have known this about you since you were in second grade when I visited you in State College, and you got yourself up and ready for school, and I came downstairs and you were watching a morning show and eating your breakfast, and I remember thinking...this one will be okay..."

Second grade in State College and my morning show included the Bay City Rollers.

Second grade was a time of some of my most fond memories of school and friends and Brownies and then also a time of some of my saddest and scariest memories.

And I know that my Aunt would have known at least some of that scary and sad so she was speaking directly to her understanding of my strength.

And on a day when I was feeling my old depression creeping in (for whatever reason), this memory was a relief and a balm for my aching brain and heart.
You can now learn how to teach dance as a spiritual practice! My first teacher training is coming at the end of September! Just visit the "Teacher Training" tab at the top of this page.

If you want to explore more deeply how to create an at-home dance sadhana (spiritual path) practice, you could join my super secret Facebook group, Inferno of Awesome. This group is invisible until you're added. FIRST, make sure you are my friend on FB, and SECOND, ask me to add you.