Even though I have found the whole second house buying process super stressful (I suck at waiting and buying a house has lots of moments of intense waiting), even though I had Big Stress, there were some other amazing things going on at the same time.
Though we are buying a second house to make for more space between us and for each of us individually, it has, in this short time, brought us closer together.
Marcy and I have lived together for 20 years. A bunch of those years were about my depression. Sadly. Then we finally FINALLY figured out my different Aspie brain and I settled into that...somewhat.
I realized that, yes, I DO enjoy my alone time, but we were still together most of the time.
Because we're a couple, right, and couples are supposed to be together, like, MOST of their time, right?
That's what all the cultural stories say. Those stories go on to say that if you don't want to be together, like, ALL the time, then there must be something wrong. Perhaps you don't actually love each other enough.
Those cultural stories aren't really serving us, are they? I mean, look at the divorce rate and then take a walk over and check out the numbers of our population on anti-depressants and anti-anxieties.
These numbers don't exactly paint a picture of HAPPINESS, do they?
It seems to me there are a lot of people walking around, going through the motions, not even able to articulate what is wrong, much less what the fix would be.
Turns out I was kinda one of those people.
I adore my life. I adore my person.
But I was constantly low level grouch. Short fused. Could snap at any provocation. Constantly anxious and on high alert.
Then we realized this whole "we each need more space" thing, and something just POPPED.
It was that bubble of stories I was living in.
Without even having her in her new house yet, even with all the stress of buying said house, suddenly I felt more relaxed and suddenly we were...having more fun!
Things feel easier between us, more flow-y.
My short fuse...just about gone.
I don't yell every five minutes. (Exaggerating but still...)
I am...relaxed. (What?! Relaxed!?)
I am also HAPPY and excited about life in general. I laugh more. I giggle more. I don't worry about what she is thinking or what's going on "between us." I don't micro-manage our togetherness and our responses to that togetherness.
I had no idea things could be so different AND so wonderful.
If you want to explore more deeply how to create an at-home dance sadhana (spiritual path) practice, you could join my super secret Facebook group, Inferno of Awesome. This group is invisible until you're added. FIRST, make sure you are my friend on FB, and SECOND, ask me to add you.